


Are You There God? It's Me, Scully

by IfMulderCouldSeeMeNow



Category: The X-Files, The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 12:33:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3978175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IfMulderCouldSeeMeNow/pseuds/IfMulderCouldSeeMeNow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What you said at 3am when you thought no one was listening</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You There God? It's Me, Scully

“Hi there, little buddy,” the deep voice from the baby monitor stirs you from slumber.

“Mu-Muller?” you turn in the bed, patting his side to discover that it is not only empty but cold. The baby monitor squeaked with the sound of a happy baby. The blinking red numbers on the nightstand read 3:03 a.m.

“No Will-boy, we can’t wake mommy up. Your big head made her tired and she needs her rest.”

The baby whimpered

“Hey little man, I didn’t say it was bad to have a big head,” her assured, “Shh,” Mulder patted his son on the back. “You’ve got a Mulder noggin’ there.”

You rub the sleep from your eyes and turn to face the baby monitor, yearning to hear Mulder talk to his son. You want so badly to eavesdrop at the door of William’s nursery, but you stop yourself, knowing that Mulder deserves his privacy with William. You can’t turn off the monitor though, you need to hear him love William.

“The truth we both know,” he’d said just 1 day ago. Only weeks ago they only “worked together.” Now he quietly sing-songs to William Fox Mulder, telling him about _girls,_

“You have your mother’s mouth. All you need now is a clean diaper and you’ll impress all the girls.”

_and sports_

“Now listen, I love you but we won’t have any sox in this house except Red Sox, okay? Just wait until you see them hit a home-run.”  

_and her._

“Your mommy acts really tough but she gets scared just like you and me. It’s up to you and me to protect mommy now, Will-boy. Do we have a deal, partner?”

You listen until Mulder pauses in his speech about the importance of Caddyshack and your eyes drift to the clock, reading 4:08 a.m.

“It seems like you inherited your mother’s tendency to fall asleep just when I’m getting to the good parts.” Mulder whispers, and you imagine him rocking William slowly, placing him gently into his basinet and pressing his pillow-lips softly onto William’s forehead, in a way only a father and mother know how.

“I love you, Will-boy. G’night G-baby,” you hear, just barely over the monitor.

* * *

 

Years later, you still think back to Mulder’s words, when he thought no one was listening. You can hear his voice perfectly: cadence, inflection, pitch.

And now as you sit here at 3am, medical journal long forgotten on your stomach and eyes focused on the ugly popcorn ceiling of the large farmhouse, you think of all of the conversations you had with your son. All of the things you said when you thought no one was listening but you and your William. Except he’s not your William any longer, he hasn’t been for over a decade.

When you were eight and new to California, Father Hueston told you the truest wishes and promises were spoken when you didn’t think anyone was listening. Back then you wished for Ahab to come home safe and promised that you’d never hurt another bunny.

Your thoughts and wishes have sophisticated over the years, as your family has decimated. Your promises to bake William special sugar cookies, to show him how to use the special ‘puppy-dog’ eyes on his father to get what he wants have gone unfilled. Your wishes are all the same, now. _I want my son. I want William back. I wish I could have him back. I wish he could live with us. I wish…_

‘Remember Dana, even if you think you’re all alone, God is always listening to your prayers,’ Father Hueston finished that day and you believed him.

In your late forties, you can’t be sure anyone is listening. _What God would-_

You hear a shift in the bed and Mulder’s eyes are piercing you immediately, as if he could hear your silent contemplation. Without even a word, he makes your inner-most secret thoughts escape. “Do you ever talk to him sometimes, Mulder, but only in your head? Not God, Willi-”

“All the time, Scully.”

Tears slowly slip down your face and Mulder pulls you closer as you snuggle into the crook of his warm neck. He runs his hand through your hair, knowing that every so often you need the catharsis, just as he needs his. You want to tell him how much you love him, how much he means to you, but instead you sob louder, begging forgiveness and trying to convince him that you meant every promise you ever said to your son; that you miss him so badly; that you want him back.

“Sometimes at 3 am I wake up, like on those first few nights, and I just talk to him." Mulder’s soft baritone whispers into your hair and you feel safe…loved. "And even when it’s just me, I know he’s listening.” 

You pray that William hears you too.


End file.
